One thing that I am learning is to allow them to participate in the process. When I first started in Youth Ministry, there was a lot of yelling, over talking, and frustration. Not the kids mind you, but me. I would yell at them, over them, to them; just yell in every which way possible to exert authority over them.
How many know that in all of my yelling, I had already lost control. I have learned the less I speak the more control I have. Yelling does not work. Point, blank, and the period! If the room is already noisy and the kids are yelling, they are going to continue to yell even louder when you start yelling. They are trying to block you out so they can have control. They want to be heard too.
Solution – Give them some control that brings unity. Invent an activity that they all can do which brings them all on one accord.
This is where boundaries come in. Kids need to know that they do have control. One of the things they have control over is themselves. They have control over their mouths, hands, feet, and actions. Make them aware of that. In addition they need to know that they are responsible and accountable for what they have control over. They need to understand if they fail to control what is in their power, then there are consequences.
Enforce consequences – Don’t let them get away with even the littlest thing. Why? Is it because we don’t have mercy or lack long-suffering?
No!
It is because we love them and this is a method of training them in the way that they should go (Prov. 22:6). Kids are master manipulators. They use their cuteness and squishiness to get what they want and we fall right into it.
Discipline needs to start and be enforced from the very beginning. We don’t want them growing into teenagers who slam doors and feel comfortable saying, “I hate you” to their parents. That attitude and gall did not start yesterday, but accumulated over years of the parent(s) neglecting to enforce and follow through on discipline. I am in my 30’s and to this day I would never raise my voice to my parents or even disrespect them with my actions or words. I am still scared!
Enforce consequences in love.
If you fail to manage your youth group, you have failed to teach and establish a suitable learning environment for all in your Youth Ministry – whatever that ministry may be that involves the youth. They all deserve the best and need to soak in all that God has put in you to give.
Ways to give control so that you can gain control:
Get their attention by using a command activity. This is an activity that immediately captures the entire group and redirects their focus. It is a command to STOP within itself. It tells the class to stop and be quiet without actually saying it. The less you speak the more control you have.
*Remember the command activity must have been put into place from the beginning. They must know what it is, what it means, and how to readily respond.
Where I serve, usually we have a corporate meeting with parents and the children so they can know what is expected and what to expect. We go over the rules and they sign a contract. This is one of the ways we give them control because if they break the contract that they said they understood and have signed, there is no one to blame but themselves when it is time for them to pay the consequences.
Some examples of command activities are:
- Stand in front of the class with your arm up in the air. If the kid’s backs are turned to you and they are still out of control, walk around and tap them on the shoulder with your arm up. When they see your arm up, their response is a closed mouth and a raised arm. Their arm remains up as long as your arm is up. When the entire class has their arm up, notice how quiet it is. Notice how serious and attentive their faces are. You are now in control. This is the time where you reiterate and re-establish boundaries and consequences.
- In a loud voice say, “Clap one time. Clap two times. Clap three times.” They should know that it is time to STOP and listen.
“Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
In Youth Ministry and in my home life ministry to my family I regard this highly. Love is what unifies us. Teaching children early on that love – under the unction of the Holy Spirit and in obedience to the Holy Spirit – for God and one another brings unity. We must teach them if we love God, then we must love and respect each other and those who have the rule over us (Heb. 13:17).
What are some command activities that work for your ministry? Please share by leaving a comment.
Be Blessed,
Sonia Kong, PDCM
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